


One Man Down

by Brodo_Faggins



Category: Final Fantasy XV, The Hangover (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, Gambling, It's The Hangover guys there's gonna be dubcon for miles, M/M, Minor Violence, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Potion Use, Strippers & Strip Clubs, no srsly it's gonna be a truckload of spoilers if I add them all now lol, so much crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 18:18:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14699655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brodo_Faggins/pseuds/Brodo_Faggins
Summary: I've been waiting for this Hangover verse for two years (IN AZKABAN) and since no one wants to fucking do it I GUESS I GOTTA DO IT MYSELF.Be thankful I didn't call this "Finding Emo", really.





	One Man Down

They fucked up.

They really, _really_ fucked up.

Gladio could almost hear it.  
The sound of his sorry ass being sentenced to a hundred death penalties, all of them by Malboro snu-snu, echoing in the distance.  
That is if his dad didn't get to him first and decided to turn him into the king's new bedside carpet, of course.

Ignis must have come to the same realization right behind him, judging by the impressive shifting of his face between all the primary shades of the RGB scale.

Prompto, on the other hand, was still blissfully dead to the world.

Butt naked, unmoving, and faceplanted into the floor.

...Wait.  
_Unmoving?_  
Was he actually...?

"Prompto."

No answer came.

"Prompto, get up."

No twitching.  
No snoring.  
_Nothing_.

"I swear to fucking God Prompto, I've got 99 problems and your scrawny carcass is not going to be one of them!"

Looking back, the friendly nudge he gave him came out a lot less friendly and more, like, a kick.  
In the stomach. With full-blown whimpering and everything.  
But Gladio had also never been so out of fucks in his life, so that was all the friendship he was going to get.

" _Ohhh shit..._ Gladdy, is that you?"

"No, it's Cindy. Of course it's me, you bird haired brat. Ya' better rise and shine the fuck up, because we have the biggest problem on our hands."

" _Nnngh-_ we ran out of ice?"

Surprisingly, it was Ignis who answered this time, with the clear hint of panic seeped deep into his voice.

"It's Noctis. He's gone.”

That got Prompto to wake up for good, at least.

"Wait, what? What do you mean gone?!"

"He means he's gone, Prompthot. Our princess is in a whole other castle. We spent the last two hours frisking this place and nada, nisba, _nothing_."

" _Oh my fucking God_ " he cried out, wobbling all the way up to a standing position with the aid of a flipped couch. "where are we? Why do I have no underwear? And what the hell happened here!?"

The room was, for a lack of a better term, completely fucked.

It made the one time Gladio saw a horny behemoth inside a tiny village look like Ignis' flat.

Nothing had been spared _._  
The furniture laid everywhere in pieces; chairs with broken legs, tables upside down, enough empty beer cans and potion bottles to sink a desert, and to top it all off, animal printed clothes that had no right to even _exist_  proudly hanged on paintings looking older than Eos itself.

“I know it looks bad but trust me, this is the least of our concerns.”

“But my ass is naked and _the toilet is on the ceiling_ ”

“Prompto, I swear to fucking god, unless you woke up two hours ago with a headache the size of Titan and your dick stuck in a cup of noodles you don't get sh-”

“My dick stuck in a  _what?!_ "

“We do not have any idea what happened either" cut in the adviser, ready to not think about that particular image ever, ever again. “I do know where 'here' is, however.”

“That's amazing! See? Progress! We're gonna find Noct in a jiffy! Tell us Ignis, where are we?”

“There is no easy way to say it, but... gentlemen, welcome to Altissia.”

Uh. Would you look at that.

Now it was Prompto's turn to cosplay the RGB scale.

A fair reaction, if Gladio could say so himself, considering they were _in the wrong fucking continent_.

“In the Leville Hotel, to be exact.”

“How can you tell?” Squeaked the youngest, growing fainter by the second.

“Because only the Leville has a royal suite, and that bust over there with a rustic gloryhole in her mouth is Camilla Claustra... the first secretary of Altissia.”

None of them said a word.  
None of them even moved.  
By minute three, Gladio was pretty sure they had lost Prompto for good.

That is before he turned to Ignis and made them both wish they had.

“...why are you dressed in pink latex, again?”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and concrit are life (ﾉ◕ v ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  
> Also IS THERE A BETA IN THE AUDIENCE


End file.
